“You give me hope for my son”, she struggled to whisper to me through a knotted throat, “You give me hope for him”.
This was just one of the many powerful encounters with the EnCourage parents that I had the privilege of meeting while attending the 2019 Courage International conference in Mundelein, Illinois.
For those who may not know, EnCourage is “a ministry within Courage dedicated to the spiritual needs of parents, siblings, children, and other relatives and friends of persons who have same-sex attractions” (as stated on the official Courage International website). In other words, EnCourage is a branch of the Courage International apostolate intended to bring comfort and support to the struggling parents/loved ones of those who experience same-sex attractions, specifically those who may be acting upon their desires.
By now you may be thinking to yourself:
Why provide an entire ministry dedicated to “supporting” those who may feel uneasy by their children/loved ones experiencing same-sex attractions?
Well, based on the countless intimate conversations I shared with the EnCourage members while attending the conference, I would encourage you to try to empathize with them and see from their perspectives.
Floods of EnCourage mothers and fathers flocked to me during that intense conference weekend. It was in me that so many of them saw their own little boy who they so badly just wanted to love. At the same time, it was in so many of them that I saw something I've never seen before. As each individual couple (and occasional single parent) poured themselves out to me, in regards to their child who is either struggling with same-sex attractions or is already out living under them, I saw pain. I saw confusion. I saw desperation.
I never experienced such feelings of distress, regarding my same-sex attractions, from my own parents. Maybe it was because they saw the greater beauty in this cross of mine. Maybe it was because they only wanted to protect me from harm. Maybe it's because God has blessed me with the most amazing parents I could ever ask for. It wasn't until much later in our journey together that I understood their own pain was also once there, just subdued by God’s grace and their total surrender of me to Him. Regardless, these unheard of and almost unimaginable emotions of the EnCourage parents suddenly became very real to me.
I felt their pain. I felt their confusion. I felt their desperation.
However, at the very core, I felt so much of it all come from places of love.
No matter how different every “story-of-my-son” was from each EnCourage parent or family, I saw so many of them grasping at the exact same desire; to love their own beloved child just as Christ so perfectly does. They were in pain because they loved their children enough to not encourage them into darkness, even when everybody else was. They were confused because they were being doubted and rejected by their own children when all they were trying to do was love them. They were desperate because they just simply wanted to love and be loved by their children, just as every other parent passionately strives for.
We often forget that our actions and choices in life not only affect us, but also those surrounding us.
In the same way, this beautiful cross of same-sex attractions is not only a cross for me to carry. It is a cross for my parents and loved ones to carry with me as well, just as even Christ shared his cross with Simon of Cyrene along the way to His Crucifixion.
What a liberating and hopeful reality this truly is:
To know that I will not be alone as I walk with this heavy cross on my weak human shoulders. To know that those people dearest to me will be following along the crowds to my Calvary, anxiously waiting to be my Simon of Cyrene. To know that so many of my fellow faithful experiencing same-sex attractions also have mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers in the crowds fighting to help them with their crosses.
We are all on our way up to Calvary. We are all carrying this beautiful cross together.
So, to the wonderful mother who shared her broken heart with me that day at the conference, I praise God that He has allowed me to give you hope in regards to your son. In contrast, please know that you give me hope for your son as well. After all, you loved him enough to be in attendance at the conference that day. You loved him enough to ask me for my personal intercession towards him. You love him enough to wait readily in the crowds to help him with his cross one day.
That, my faithful sister in Christ, is truly one of the greatest hopes of them all.